P H I L I P H E N R Y
A U T H O R ° S C R E E N W R I T E R ° S O N G W R I T E R
01 January 2024
Happy New Year! Among the resolutions I will break this year, is my vow to update this site more often. It's actually very late (or very early) and I'm struck by insomnia once again, so I thought I'd put the time to use.
Things are still at a standstill in book-world. I have been making some moves to try to get my back catalogue in front of people who may want to read it, so I'll have to see how that goes. As usual, there has been a little spike in sales around Christmas. A Learjet is still beyond my reach, but all sales are good sales, and are appreciated. I just wish more of you would write reviews on Amazon. I've tried to get to the bottom of this and the most common response I get is: "I can't write reviews." Listen, it doesn't have to be a professional review. Just write a line or two and tell other Amazonians if you liked it or not. It doesn't even matter if the reviews are positive or negative, if Amazon sees a book getting talked about, they push it more. So please, if you want to get me something for a New Year present (is that a thing?), write me a short review. You'll be helping out more than you know.
My album is finished! Well, my parts are finished. I've recorded all the instruments and vocals, and I'm done tinkering. Now it goes off to Michael at ZeroHour Studio for the mixing and mastering. If Songs About Girls is any indication, there will be a bit of to-ing and fro-ing for the next few weeks as I listen to the album multiple times and make tweaks. Then the plan is to make a triumphant video and release it along with the album, so keep an eye out for that. This album has been almost 3 years in the making and you can follow my sporadic vlog updates on the making of the album on my dedicated YouTube Channel, and maybe subscribe while you're there.
This year, sorry 2023 was LAST year now, I entred a few screenwriting competitions and I did quite well, placing in the PAGE Awards, Creative Screenwriting, Final Draft and LitScares. This will hopefully convince some extrememly intelligent, sexy and visionary agent to read some of my work, and maybe take me on as a client. That's one resolution I will be sticking to - I vow to keep trying until an agent at the very least considers some of my work, instead of just rejecting me sight-unseen. I think the last couple of things I've written are really good, and now my album is done, I'm going to write a couple more features, just so I always have something new to show.
I'm hoping something happens with my film-making career this year too. There are a couple of interesting lines in the water, but there are no definite bites yet. So much of being a writer is waiting for LONG periods of time for someone to get back to you. As well as the music videos (yes, there will be more than one this time), I'm hoping to make something bigger this year. Perhaps this summer, if nothing else is moving by then, I'll try to do another no-budget feature myself and see if I can get some attention that way. It's not an easy business to crack when you're living in Northern Ireland, but I'll keep on trying because... I don't know what else I'd do. I always keep in mind: YOU HAVEN'T FAILED UNTIL YOU STOP TRYING.
So bring it on 2024, I'm ready for you. In the words of Semisonic, "because you have to believe, this will be my year."_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
06 March 2023
And this time it's an even longer gap between posts. Almost a year. That's got to be the longest I've ever gone, so I must have lots to tell you.... right?
As predicted in my last post, I haven't gone back to novel-writing yet. This isn't a self-pity party, or writers' block, it's simply an awknowledgement of the fact there are too many people trying to be writers nowadays. Agents won't even read my work. They all throw up the old rejection-without-reading excuse: "We're not taking on any new writers at the minute". It is what it is. No matter how much I try to destory those demons of apathy, the windmills never fall. So, for the time being at least, I've stopped trying. The books are still out there and available to buy, and I know it only takes one to catch fire and the whole back catalogue will burn up the bestseller lists. So I wait.
I have discovered Wattpad as a good place to stick up short stories that I can't publish on my own because they're based on properties that I don't own (so I'm not allowed to make money off them). I've only stuck my Jurassic Park short story up there so far but there's more to come. It's set 41 years after the first film, and it's a teaser to a larger project I would like to write, but I don't have the rights. Still, I think it would be an interesting direction to take the JP franchise. What do you think? I just need to wait for Speilberg to find it online and I'll be set.
According to YouTube, the last time I did a vlog update on recording my second album was May 14th 2021! In the words of Doctor Emmett Brown, "My God, has it been that long?" Apparently so. So what's been holding this up? Well, just life. Illness, recovery, illness, recovery, moving house, illness, recovery, etc. I moved house after 13 years in Portstewart to Coleraine. I've been here over a year now, but this place isn't suitable for me long-term, so I'm looking for somewhere else again. If you know of any long-term rentals on the North Coast, ideally a bunglalow, but I'll look at anything, then contact me. I did set myself the goal of having this next labum out by Christmas 2022, but I didn't realise how damn cold it was going to be in winter (Who'd have thunk it?) and when I came up to my new office to try to work on my album, my hands were frozen, which doesn't make for good guitar playing. So when the weather turns and things heat up a bit, I'm going to jump on this and get it done. I think once I get started, it actually won't take that long to finish it. This next album is more stripped back... well, I may go OTT on a couple of tracks, but only if they need it.
Since the dreaded lurgy, whose name we can't mention like it's a dark wizard with no nose, the NCFC has fractured badly. We tried to keep the monthly meetings going online for a while, but when the all-clear sounded, the consensus was that the members wanted to go back to in-person meetings. So I orgamised one and only me and one other person showed up. Even if lots of members had shown up, the venue we used to meet in has had a refurb and isn't really suitable for quiet chats anymore. Pubs really are the only option when you want to meet in the evenings, but since everyone has to drive, none of us can drink, so it's hardly good business for us to take up space sipping Cokes all night. So I'm not sure what the answer is. If you do, answers on a postcard or sealed-down envelope. I have been doing my bit to keep the group alive at least. I've started making movies again in the hope that others are working away as well and we'll have enough for a screening night sometime later in the year. I've made two shorts in the last few months. A short little family drama called Star 13 and a allegorical horror movie called Out Of Her Head. I'll no doubt waste some money on festivals with them so keep an eye out for screenigns near you. Speaking of my short films, I may as well release this finally. Crohn's, Actually is a short I made way back in 2019. It was entered and actually accepted for several festivals and then old Voldemort struck and all those festivals were cancelled. I thought they would still show it when the world started turning again, but it appears not. Most festivals insist the films are less than a year old to qualify. It stars Glenn McGivern and Christine Clark and it was great fun to make. So it's time to release it into the wild and let it run free. Enjoy.
I've also started using Letterboxd to keep track of all the movies I watch and post my rants and ravings on them. So you can follow me and see what I'm watching and loving/ hating if you wish. The link to this and other places you can follow me online are on my Contact page.
I am still writing screenplays, so I haven't given up on the written word completely. I think I've spotted a very obvious gap in the market and I'm writing the script to fill it. But of course, writing the script is the easy part, getting it read and into the right hands is the hard part, but I have a plan. Not a terribly original plan, or even one that's guaranteed to succeed, but a plan nonetheless, so I will see you when the whim to update once again grips me._______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
28 April 2022
Even for me, this update is late. I know. Thing is, I'm not sure there's that much to tell you. Let's see....
In bookworld not much is happening. To be honest, I was really disillusioned by the sales figures for METHOD. I thought I'd done something really special with this book, and though everyone who has read it seems to have liked it - it's got nothing but five star reviews on Amazon - not enough people have bought it to buy me that little island in the Caribbean that I have my eye on. In fact, not enough people have bought it to buy me a framed photo of that island. I was already three chapters into writing my next novel when METHOD came out, but this apathy towards it has taken the bounce out of my bouncy-ball, and stopped me. I haven't touched it in a long time and it may never get finished. It takes months of hard work to write a novel, and if sales are going to be like they have been for METHOD, it just isn't worth it.
Maybe it's better to direct my creative juices towards a business that's easier to crack - FILM! LOL
At least with film, I have a long-term plan. I have a couple of features I'm working on at the minute which will set the box-office alight if only I would finish them and get them into the hands of someone who could attach some A-list actors and make the damn things. So I am working some angles which will take the guts of a year to pay-off, but I don't mind that; it gives me time to get these screenplays finished so that if my plan does work, I have something suitable for the American market ready to go.
On the smaller side of things, I've got two short films written that I'm going to make in the coming weeks/ months. It seems like a long time since the dreaded lurgy stopped us all in our tracks so it'll be good to get back behind the camera, and even better to get into the edit. The North Coast Film Collective are hoping our twice-postponed film night will happen at some point this year too, so keep an eye out for that.
And finally, my next album has also been badly ignored since I moved house. I really will have to get back into it soon too. I'm aiming for a more stripped-down album this time, so maybe when I get going, it actually won't take that long to record. I really like these new songs, and some of them are very personal to me. Putting a song out on the Internet these days is like dropping a tear in the ocean. A statistic I heard was 20,000 new songs are uploaded online every day! Meaning there are literally billions out there already, and it keeps growing. That's the competition. But unlike my books, I never really hoped to make a living from my music. I do it just because I love it, and going by my streaming figures, there may be a couple of dozen people in the world who love it too. I thank you all for every stream and the 0.14 cent each one brings me closer to my island.
17 July 2021
Isn't it always the case; no books for ages and then two come along at once? YES! My new novel, Method is out and sitting on virtual bookshelves all over this planet as we speak!
You have no idea how much work I've put into this book over the last few weeks. If I'd been working for someone else I would've reported them to some anti-slavery group because of the unreasonable amount of hours I had to put in. So let's hope it all pays off and y'all like the 100,000 words I've strung together. The big innovation this time around - and a big reason why I've been working so hard - is I've also put out an audiobook version of Method. It takes just under nine hours to listen to it all and it's narrated by me! Audiobooks are apparently big business, and getting bigger, so if this audiobook starts doing decent business, I'll probably do all the other books too. That seems like a massive task, considering how long it took me to do just one, but I've learned a few tricks now, so hopefully future recordings won't be so arduous.
You may also notice the whole back catalogue of my books have been rebranded. They've all got new covers which shows they're all fighting for the same army, the interiors have had a little spit and polish, and the Kindle editions have been given a makeover to make sure the formatting doesn't go all wobbly when you put them on one of them there fancy reading screens. All my adult books are now part of a series - The North Coast Bloodlines. Since all my novels are set in and around the same area, and characters from other books do tend to pop up and/ or get mentioned here and there, I thought I'd unite them all under one banner. This helps people know what order to read them in and it's also given me some cross-pollenation ideas for the future.
But what is this second book you spoke of? The other book is the conclusion of The Exploration Station trilogy. Book three: The Dreamland, is also out now and ready to buy, so if you want to see how that all resolves, it's available in paperback and Kindle editions. That means there are now four children's books under my psuedonym BB Phelps, and once again I have to thank Matt Donnan for his fantasic illustrations, which really bring these books to life. Will BB be writing any more books? I don't know yet.
For those of you who were following the YouTube vlogs I was doing on the making of my new album, THIS is why there haven't been any for a while. I've been so snowed under getting these books ready to be released I just haven't had time to work on the album, but hopefully that will change now these birds have flown.
I leave you now with a plea, it's an old plea, but it's worth repeating. If you do happen to buy my new novel METHOD, I urge you to PLEASE leave a review on Amazon. Despite what you may think, this is not me looking for everyone to tell me how brilliant I am. The truth is, the more reviews Amazon gets on a book, the more they promote it. And they don't have to even be good reviews! Amazon pushes books that are being heavily reviewed, no matter how many stars you're giving. So I know I've asked this of you before and 98% of you didn't do it - LOL - but this time, let's make a special effort. My goal is to hit fifty reviews for Method. I think there are 300-odd members on my Facebook page so that's surely not asking too much. It's doesn't have to be a long review - a couple of lines will do, and I'm not asking you to be anything but honest.
Big love to yez all.
11 April 2021
Slower than usual about getting this update done. Maybe I was wiating to do that triumphant: EVERYTHING'S BACK TO NORMAL! post, but even though we're not quite there yet, we can see the light now, and the tunnel doesn't seem so long or dark anymore.
So, on the book front. New Century Fairytales is out and will make an adorable gift for any little child, and teach them some much needed morality. The Exploration Station 3 is getting very close to being ready too. Matt is sending me the illustrations as he completes them and we're close to the end. It'll be nice to have that children's trilogy complete in time for the big rebranding. Yes, there is a rebranding on its way! One of the things I did to kill time during lockdown was to read up and watch a lot of videos on marketing. It has become apparent to me that my novels to date have not sold anywhere near the copies they could have if I'd had some savvy and some money to promote them, so I'm going to take a chance, probably this summer, and do a big rebrand of all my books. This will mean they will all have new, linked covers and they will all be part of one large series, and then there will be a big marketing push to see if I can get them to catch fire worldwide. I have a very detailed plan for doing this and if it works I will be swimming in dough, and if it doesn't... well, things will stay the same. LOL So if you want to buy any copies of the books with the orignal covers to show your grandchildren, this is your first whistle that time is running out. My new adult novel, psychological thriller, METHOD, will also be part of this relaunch this year and part of the larger series so I'll be pushing it hard too.
Meanwhile, I've started work on album#2 (that's not what it's actually called - I just haven't 100% decided on the title yet). I've finished demoing the songs and will be keeping a video record of the making of process each step of the way on my YouTube channel. Subscribe and do all that liking and commenting malarky too if you want to follow the journey. I'm really excited about these new songs. The demo'd versions, rough as they are, is the first time I've heard what they all sound like back to back and I'm loving them. Unlike Songs About Girls, album#2 is going to have live drums on it. My old Barnsley College pal, Paul Crewe, is going to take my demos and record drum tracks on a proper kit and send them back to me. This album is going to deal with some heavy issues and some close to my heart, but there's also a song about being abducted by aliens and one about a guy dying in a motorbike crash and wanting to keep on riding for eternity. :-)
The film-making has stalled badly during covid. Even though I've written lots of stuff during this mini-apocalypse; shorts, radio plays, stage plays and features, getting anything staged or filmed is still a ways off. But rest assured, as soon as it's safe to stuff a tiny crew and a bunch of actors in a small room together, I'll be back at it, full tilt!
One last thing before I go - that coffee cup denotes a website called Buy Me a Coffee. For some time now, other writers and creatives I know have been telling me I need to get something like this set up. There's Patreon and Just Giving and all those things which require a regular monthly payment to help inedependent artists, but the one I've chosen is more like a one-off thing you can just give a little whenever you feel like it. It's the difference between putting a quid in a box on the street or getting signed up to a monthly direct debit. This seemed like the platform with the least commitment, which is what I'd want if I were donating to someone.
Until we meet again - with any luck, and given how crap I am at updating this thing - things might even be back to relative normality when I check in again. We can but hope.
31 December 2020
"A long December and there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last."
I haven't posted here for a while, but I have been writing a lot this horrible year and with any luck 2021 will see the release of some of these projects. The third part of The Exploration Station is done and just waiting on the illustrations. My book of New Century Fairytales is also nearly ready to go. Both these children's books were supposed to be out for Christmas, but this year has not made things easy.
Next year should also see the release of my first adult novel since 2014 (wow, really?). I've spent the last year shopping it around agents and publishers - most of whom weren't in their offices and had to ignore me from home. There's still a few I have to hear back from, but if they all pass too I'm just going to publish it myself, so one way or another, I'm getting this book out in 2021.
I've also been working on a lot of screenplays and entering a lot of competitions this year, but I'm also aching to get behind the camera and start making films again when/ if normality resumes.
And finally I've got a few new songs written for my next album that I'm really excited about. This has taken a bit of a backseat to other projects, but now I know what I'm doing (sort of) as far as the recording software is concerned, it shouldn't take nearly as long as SAG to record once they're written and I can find a time to do it.
So Happy New Year to you all, and let's hope for a peaceful, healthy, productive, corona-free, Trump-free, Brexit not to be as big a disaster as everyone's predicting, prosperous and creative 2021!
11 June 2020
So, the first six months of 2020. What's happened? Let me think.....
OK, apart from the fact that the whole world is living in a Stephen King novel, not a lot has changed for me. Most days I spend my time sitting in the house, writing, and since lockdown, I've been sitting in the house, writing. I have been missing seeing my family and getting to the cinema, but I'm probably coping better than most, so for that I am grateful.
On the film front, as you can imagine, not a lot is getting made. Though I have managed to make one short film during lockdown. I wrote the script and sent it to the two wonderful actors - Christine Clark & Glenn McGivern - who then recorded their part on their phone and sent the footage back to me to edit. I'm not sure what to do with it at this stage. Is there any point in holding off for festivals when most festivals have been cancelled this year? I may just release it online. It's called The Last Time We Spoke.
I may not be able to make the films I'd like to at the minute, but I can still write them. I'd had this idea for a while to write a story based on my grandad's service in WWII. He was an electrician in the RAF so it wasn't the easiest story to make exciting, but with a lot of research and a bit of imagination I've managed to weave several real-life events into my fictional narrative and produced a Northern Ireland-based WWII movie - something that's never been done before on this scale. Now I just need a producer to help make it happen. If you are one, or you know one, contact me.
I've also finished the third part of The Exploration Station. The Dreamlands was the hardest thing I've written in quite a while. Even though these books are only a fraction of the length of my adult novels, it took me a long time to get my head around this story and what I was trying to say. Of course once I had it straight in my head, I wrote it quite quickly. I still have to get the illustrations and cover done for this by the very talented Matt Donnan, who's currently working on the illustrations for another book for me. Yes, with any luck, I'm going to release two children's books this year. The second is called New Century Fairytales and contains modern fairytales. Just like The Brothers Grimm wrote stories to warn children of the dangers in their time, New Century Fairytales will address twenty-first century issues in a fairytale setting.
Having cleared the decks of writing projects for the moment I'm at a bit of a loss for how to spend my time. I may just dive into another novel, or I may take some time to work on my second album. I really should concentrate on the album next because I get so many colds in winter it makes it hard to sing without going into a coughing fit.
As always, I spend a good deal of my time reaching out to agents, managers, producers and people in the film business who might be able to make some of my projects happen, and they spend most of their time not answering me, but, in the words of Freddie Mercury, 'I'll keep on trying, 'til the end of time!'
02 October 2019
What! Another update before Christmas???????
Just a brief word to tell you The Exploration Station 2: The Stormlands is out now and available to buy online in both Kindle and paperback editions. It has been called - by me - The Empire Strikes Back of children's books. Let me know of you agree. I'm hoping to complete this trilogy soon and have the final part out by Christmas - that might be a tad ambitious as I haven't started it yet, but I work well on a deadline, so you never know.
AND, speaking of paperbacks, my entire back catalogue is now available in paperback form again! If you go to my Books page all the links for the books are new, as are all the editions. Over the last few weeks I've re-read them all and hopefully weeded out any typos that slipped past me first time. The Dead Room's cover has also had a little makeover, which I'm sure my niece Emma will enjoy. She could go as that cover for Halloween now.
My next novel is doing the rounds of agents at present. I've had some encouraging feedback on it, but so far but no one's snapped it up. To be fair I have only heard back from two agencies, so give me a chance!
My latest short film Crohn's, Actually is also complete. It hasn't been screened anywhere yet, so the world premiere has yet to happen. Festivals are a complete money pit is the problem, but I'll start sending it out to the ones I think I have the best chance with soon and I'll let you know - maybe the world premiere will be somewhere near you.
As always, there's a few glimmers of hope with some TV and film projects, but I'm not holding my breath or announcing anything until I know for sure. I've been down this road too many times before to count my chickens.
12 June 2019
Another swift update! Only six months since the last. I'm getting better at doing this thing regularly.
A month or two ago I finished my new novel! Woo-hoo! Yes, this is the psychological thriller I've been working on, which may sound like a slight change of direction but it really isn't. In fact for all you beautiful readers who have been with me from the start, there's some stuff in there that only you will recognize and understand the true relevance of. ;-) I'm not saying much more, not even the title, because this book might be published under a pseudonym, but trust me - as Oasis once said, it's all part of a masterplan. So in the gap between finishing that novel and going back to do the second draft - always best to let it sit for a few weeks and then go back with fresh eyes - I wrote the second part of my children's trilogy: The Exploration Station 2: Stormlands. What can I say about this except that it's the darker second chapter of the trilogy and sets everything up for the conclusion, which I'm hoping to get out by Christmas. It's a great palate cleanser to write one of these books, and I do enjoy them. I wonder if I'll be able to stop at three. Watch this space to find out. Matt is currently doing the illustrations for book two so it should be out in the next month or two. As for my new grown-up book, it has been sent to my agent of choice first. If he passes, I start going down a list of possibilities. Sending out a manuscript is a slow process; you post, you wait 4-8 weeks, they say no, you send to someone else, you wait, etc. It may take a while but I have faith in this book, and I must also say a big thank you to the Arts Council of Northern Ireland for their support in writing it.
I've also completed my first music video. This was great fun to make and big thanks to Glenn McGivern and Christine Clark for being my 'Dogs', and cameraman extraordinaire Frank Corr for shooting it for me. So check out the video for The First Girl and like and subscribe. This is a new channel I've set up just for my music and original content, so it's like a little puppy just dying to be petted by you in the form of a subscribe. It'll also keep you informed when I add more music content - I'm planning two more videos from this album and maybe even some live performances. I've also started demoing new songs for the next album. I have a big backlog of songs to choose from. Some of them will get a polish and used on album #2 but I'd also like to write something new too, so it's not all old stuff. While we're on the subject of Songs About Girls, when I looked at the streaming and sales stats the other day I was quite surprised. The most plays were in the UK & Ireland (thank you all!) but the second highest amount in the world was.... Switzerland! I have no idea how this happened - no jokes about my music being cheesy, please - as I don't know anyone in Switzerland. Whatever the reason, if you're Swiss and playing my music I appreciate it, in fact if you're ANYWHERE in the world playing my music I really appreciate it.
2018 was not a good year for my film-making endeavours for reasons I won't go into here, but this year it looks like I'm getting back on track. Apart from The First Girl music video, I've also just finished shooting a NIS funded short called Crohn's, Actually. It's based on the story I told on BBC Ouch! last year (I come on around the 10min mark). I had a blast shooting it and I think it's going to be really funny when it's edited. When it's done it'll start doing the rounds of the film festivals and hopefully get me some attention, as well as raising awareness of Crohn's (but in a fun way). After that I have a little horror short I'm planning to make on a nothing budget and the two more music videos I mentioned. I have a lot of short films sitting on my hard-drive waiting to be made, so this latest shoot may energize me to get a few more of them made before the year's out. If we have enough, our little film-making group might do another screening night.
I'll keep you informed of developments. Ciao for now.
9 January 2019
A Happy New Year to you all!
It's hard to believe it's been almost six months since I updated the site but hey-ho that's what happens when you're a writer; you tend to want to spend your time writing things that you want to get finished and out there, and not futter about trying to make me sitting at a keyboard typing for hours on end try to sound sexy and exciting.
So a new year is a time for reflection. A time to assess what I stroked off my to-do list last year and what I'm planning to get done this year. Last year I did pretty well, getting my children's book, The Exploration Station, released and making a sizable dent in my next adult novel. I was hoping to get a first draft done by the end of the year, but that was just dreaming. The BBC Writersroom opportunity came along and I had to write something new for it as well, which meant putting the novel on hold for a while. I try to throw something at every new opportunity that comes along, which is why something as huge as a book gets interrupted a lot during its writing. However, now the decks are clear again (for the time being) I can devote myself to getting my novel finished. When it's done I plan to write the next part of The Exploration Station (and maybe the third part, too, if I'm in the zone) before going back to my novel to do the second draft. This cooling off period is essential as any writer will tell you - we notice what needs fixed a lot more easily if we don't look at it for a few weeks after it's done. Then begins the old slog of trying to get an agent or publisher to read it. This is becoming increasingly difficult these days, but this time around, to quote Baldrick: I have a cunning plan. Whether it works any better than any of Baldrick's plans, we'll just have to wait and see.
My album was also released last year! Songs About Girls got what they call in the biz a 'soft' release, which basically means it was released without any publicity or advertising or promotion. This is mainly due to me having no money to do any of those things. I still plan on making at least three music videos for various tracks, and I'm even toying with the idea of playing live again after all these years to try to get word out about it. The videos haven't happened mainly because I couldn't find a good location to shoot in. I changed my video concept at least three times, hoping someone would have a suitable location I could shoot it, but I came up empty each time. Looks like I'll have to think of a fourth concept and see if I can get something shot. The videos are really the lynchpin of my marketing idea for the album so I need to get something done soon. I'm hoping to start album#2 this summer so it would be nice if SAG started some momentum. Thanks to everyone who has downloaded or streamed it. I can look at the reports online and was quite amazed to see where its getting played. Not only in the UK and Ireland, but also the US, Canada, Germany, Sweden, United Arab Emirates, Netherlands, Australia and Italy! So thanks to everyone who has the album on their playlist or downloaded. As Jimmy Rabbitte, Sr. says in The Commitments, 'I'll bet you U2 are shitting themselves.'
So I think that's the main plan for this year - more of the same. Keep throwing stuff at every writing opportunity that comes along until something sticks. Something I've learned over the last year is that there's a lot of reasons why writing doesn't get picked up, especially for TV. When writers get a rejection they usually beat themselves up that they just weren't good enough, and while that maybe true some of the time, some of the time it isn't. It's all subjective in the end, so getting a writer and commissioner who both think the same way together has about the same odds as two bullets on a battlefield hitting each other head-on. So what can we do but keep in firing.
Hopefully this year my film-making will get back on track again, too, and I may also meet, woo and marry the woman of my dreams if I have time. Now, since everyone makes lists at this time of the year, here's one from me.
Top 3 TV/ Movie things to look forward to in 2019:
1) AVENGERS: ENDGAME. With one of the biggest jaw-dropping endings EVER, we're all on tenterhooks to see how this is all going to play out. Marvel have rarely (if ever) dropped the ball, so I think we're in safe hands as we sit back and enjoy the end of an era.
2) GAME OF THRONES CONCLUDES: I haven't read the books - not that they're sticking to them anyway - so I have no idea where it's all going, but I think there's one thing we can be sure of - it's going to be EPIC.
3) STAR WARS EPISODE IX. Considering my ever-growing hatred for The Last Jedi, a film so badly written and conceived it just baffles me how Disney/ Lucasfilm signed off on that mess, my hopes are high for JJ's return to the directing chair. He's got a lot of work to do bringing the saga back to where it should be after Rian Johnson basically disregarded everything Abrams and Kasdan set up in The Force Awakens, but my hopes are high that JJ can pull it off, and the rumour that George Lucas has been consulted on it soothes my shattered nerves even more. The Last Jedi did so little to actually move the story forwards that my hope is one day all copies will be shot into the sun and it's very existence will fade into rumour, and as we watch EpVII and then EpIX we won't even need it. That's your challenge, JJ.
...and the top thing to look forward to for the good of all humankind...
TRUMP'S REMOVAL FROM OFFICE. Fingers crossed he goes to jail as well - wouldn't that be poetic justice. I think the walls are closing in on him and I don't think he'll last the year. I was even going to put a bet on this happening but the bookies are only giving 2/1 odds, so I guess they think it's a foregone conclusion as well. I don't think his ego will allow him to be impeached. More likely he'll 'resign' with some BS excuse as part of a plea deal to stay out of prison. Whatever it takes to get that imbecile out of office is fine with me.
27 August 2018
BIG WEEK! I've got a couple of things happening this week. The first is a TV appearance on BBC2, believe it or not!
Back in June I entered a funny short story about going on a date with Crohn's Disease in the BBC's Ouch! event and it was selected as one of six to be performed at the Edinburgh Fringe, so a couple of weeks ago the BBC flew me over to Scotland to do it. Now I knew the audio was being recorded for transmission on Radio 5live and there was some talk of it being on the BBC website too, but I had no idea it was going to be on BBC2. The scale of this thing was massive; there were 300-400 people in the audience and I was onstage, alone. Nowhere to run to, baby, nowhere to hide. So it was a bit nerve-wracking, especially as they didn't want us reading off a page or autocue. So I basically had to memorize a six-page short story for the show. I'm sure I forgot bits of it and ad-libbed others, but I got to the end somehow and you'll be able to see it this Friday, 31st August at 11.35pm on BBC2. Since it all went by in a blur, I'm quite eager to see how it turned out myself. So set your planner, program your VCR, or just put a big circle around it in your TV guide. If you missed it, it's available on the BBC iPlayer for the next 3 months and I'm sure it'll pop up on YouTube at some point too.
So what news could possibly top that? Well, how about my album being released?
Yes, after too many years to count in the making, I'm finally throwing this out into the world. It's called Songs About Girls and, as you might gather from the title, it's a bunch of songs about girls I have known over the years. I've been working on this off-and-on for years now. Recording at home is a double-edged sword; on the one hand it's not costing any money to do as many takes as you want, but the flipside of that is you could end up tinkering forever. So at some point you have to draw a line and say stop. After I got to that stage, Michael McCluskey at SUBZERO Studios in Coleraine did my mixing and mastering (and I tortured him with final tweaks for weeks afterwards) and now I have an album I'm actually happy with.
I was hoping to have a video ready for the first single when I released this album, but weather and scheduling has thrown a massive spanner into that plan. I'm still going to do the videos as soon as I can. I'm planning three in all. I've always wanted to make some music videos - now I have the chance.
So if Songs About Girls isn't already up on your preferred online platform for streaming and/ or downloading, it should pop up soon; most platforms take 2-3 days to list new music, but some can take a couple of weeks. I'm not sure if it's worth getting physical CDs made up or not. Does anyone - except me - still listen to CDs? Contact me if you'd like one and if there's enough interest I'll get some made up.
Album#2 is already written so let's hope it doesn't take another couple of decades to get it finished.
That's it for this time. Let me know what you think of my album when you hear it, and maybe even write a review somewhere if you like it enough. Later.
08 May 2018
Who was that dude who was forced to spend eternity pushing a rock up a mountain? Sisyfus, that was him. He had to push this rock up a mountain but as soon as he got close to the top it would roll down and he'd have to start all over again. I think Sisyfus should be the patron saint of writers, because his situation best symbolises what it's like to be a writer in this day and age. Just when you think you're getting somewhere it all rolls down again.
But enough of cryptic Greek metaphors and onto specifics....
Agents. They appear to be the ultimate Catch-22. When you need one to find you a deal, they don't want to know, but if you go out and find a deal yourself, they all want to be your agent. Of course they do! They'll be getting their commission for doing nothing! LOL! In the last year I've contacted 36 different agencies. I've written an email saying this is who I am, this is what I do, these are awards I've won and been short-listed for, would you like to see some of my work? The majority of those 36 didn't answer. A few gave me an automated 'Go Away' email. One even said her assistant would be in touch. Assistant never got in touch. Chased it up a couple of weeks later and assistant didn't answer. Tell me how you're supposed to fight that. It would be one thing if they read some of my stuff and said: No, we don't like it or It's not good enough, but they won't even read it!!!!
I'm currently about 20k into my next novel and, without getting too excited, I'm sure it's going to be a huge bestseller! That is, if anyone ever gets to read it. Same with all the movie scripts lazing around my hard-drive waiting to be picked up. How is anyone ever going to get to see these things if agents don't do their jobs? For better or worse, I AM a writer. It's what I do. It's why I keep tapping away at the keys even though no one wants to give me a chance. There's a great quote from Charles Bukowski that keeps me going....
"I'm 34 now. If I don't make it by the time I'm 60, I'm just going to give myself 10 more years."
So this leads me on to the next piece of bad news. My books - my babies - are going out of print in the next few weeks, so if you want a paper copy, please order now! The digital eBook versions of the books will still be available, but those are notoriously difficult to sign. The reason is money, of course. At present it's costing me more to keep these books in print each year than they are making. I spoke to a guy online recently who claims to have sold 100,000 books online, and he's also self-published. I asked him how and he said if you have £3,000-£4,000 to spend on marketing, it's easy. Another Catch-22. You need to spend money to make money, but if you don't have any money to spend....
So what else is keeping me walking past open windows? Well, I know I've been saying this for ten years or more, but my album IS actually coming soon. I finally conceded defeat on the mixing and mastering. No matter how many YouTube videos I watched on the subject, I had neither the equipment nor the experience to get the album finished properly and 'radio ready'. So someone else is going to do it. I think I'm going to make a video for the first single and then release it all at the same time, so watch this space.
Apart from my upcoming music video, there are, as always, some film projects in the pipeline that I'm either waiting to hear about or waiting until I scrape up enough cash to buy a few props. It's been a slow year for the film-making, mostly because of the weather. Hopefully now things have heated up a bit, that will change or we're going to have very little to show at our annual showcase in October.
Books, films, music - I think that's everything. I shall sigh off - wow, how's that for a Freudian slip! - I'll actually SIGN off for now. If any of you know any agents, force them to contact me, by fair means or foul. If you need an alibi for some sort of kidnapping or blackmail scenario, I'll cover you.
10 January 2018
Happy New Year. It's still early in the year so not much has happened... yet.
I had a bit of a horrible Christmas with a throat infection that felt like I was swallowing glass every time I ate or drank, and as soon as that cleared up I got a whopper of a toothache, which turned out to be a double abscess and has got me on more pills - I'm starting to sound like a maraca when I walk.
So all these mouth problems have halted the vocals from getting finished on my album. I did scratch vocals on all the tracks and thought I was pretty close to being done, but when I wrote them out to a CD and listened to it a few times, I began to hear more and more things that needed redone or could be done better. So hopefully when this tooth problem gets sorted I'll be able to get the rest of the vocals redone to my liking.
Noirland is finally available to watch on Amazon Video. I have no idea how smart TVs and all those streaming things work, but apparently you will be able to watch it on all sorts of devices and it will adjust the quality automatically to suit what you're watching on. With any luck, this will take our wee local film to a much bigger, international audience.
The first few illustrations for The Exploration Station are looking fantastic. I'm hoping this book should be out in the spring. I'm excited to be writing for an entirely different readership. It'll be interesting to see how the book does.
I've got a few short film ideas loitering around my hard drive and I'll probably make one or more of them at some point, but it's too damn cold to even think about going on location at the moment. The NCFC horror anthology movie is starting to take shape, but it probably won't start shooting for a few months and I'm not sure how involved I'll be with it when it does.
I have plenty of stuff to keep me going in the meantime.
29 November 2017
Hello and welcome back. It has been a few months since I last checked in and that's because I was looking for some time to do a bit of a redesign on the website. So here it is! It's now more streamlined; instead of loads of different pages that I have to painstakingly update every time I add a new book, we just have a single page for each of my endeavours. This will make it much easier to navigate for you, and much quicker to update for me.
So, what have I been up to all this time...
Not much has got done this year as far as novel-writing goes. I have finished my children's book The Exploration Station and will be releasing that as soon as the illustrations are done. I was hoping to have it out by Christmas, but that's not looking likely now. The book stars my nephews and niece - Henry, Max and Bonnie - as three children who go to stay with their uncle (???) and accidentally find a porthole to another world in his house and then have to try to figure out a way to get home. It was great fun to write and I've just started working on the sequel as my NaNoWriMo project - about 85% of the first book was written for last year's project. Hopefully it'll be a trilogy.
I've made two short films this year; Nanny-Cam and Deadspot. We had a screening for all the films made by the North Coast Film Collective in the past twelve months at Portrush Playhouse (which is also our new meeting place) last month and it all went down a storm. There was every kind of kind of genre and style on display and the audience seemed to enjoy it all. Only twelve months until we do it all again, so we're already hard at work on fresh ideas. If you want to get involved, just join the Facebook group and come along to the next meeting.
The album is still a work in progress, but I have at least started the vocals now. I have one song pretty much finished, but then along came a cold and took away my voice. I'm over it now, so it's just a matter of finding the time to get the rest of the vocals recorded before the next cold comes along. You would think that would be the end of it, wouldn't you? But no! I'm just beginning to wrap my head around what a mammoth task mixing and mastering is. I thought I would be able to watch a few YouTube videos and bingo! I'd be a qualified engineer and producer! Unfortunately it seems like it takes a lifetime to become good at it. As usual, I can't afford to pay anyone to do it, so it looks like I'm just going to have to do my best and see what happens. I've been trying to get this album recorded for over ten years so I want to get it finished and start working on album two (album three is also written), but I don't want it to come out sounding half-assed after all this time either, so I guess I'll have to find a middle ground I can live with.
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